Since my youth, I have noticed an interesting viewpoint! Why it has taken me this long to finally put this in perspective is something that I’ll have to figure out later.
Somehow, I have noticed that marriage or being married tends to give you respectability!!! And I don’t mean it in the typical Hindi filmy way!! It is not that I am not up to my ears of people asking me when am I getting married or why am I not yet married! I am and I’m fed up! I feel like telling them it is none of their business! Please excuse me for having the wisdom of knowing beforehand that I was not meant for that kind of commitment or simply that I don’t want to!
However successful one might be, whether monetarily, or career wise etc, if you’re single, you tend to get that glassed over look in most conversations! And I’m sure it happens far more frequently than in the confines of my social circle!
That indulgent smile that says “Of course you think like that… But that is not so!!!” And the eyes would get glassier and the smiles would deepen.
My younger cousins, my really younger cousins, who earlier would not have gotten a word in edgeways in any family discussions, post marriage, suddenly get to have a say in most matters!!! What infinite wisdom has marriage bestowed on them suddenly that they have crossed over that invisible line and gone over to the enlightened side!
Why?
And it is not my family only that behaves in this peculiar way! Some of my friends are no exception – and I just might be going out on a limb to say that society in general behaves in this fashion!
Couples tend to invite couples to their houses! “Who will my wife talk to?” or something equally silly is the common refrain! Believe me – somebody had actually told me that when I was planning a party!! As if single people have absolutely no social skills when it comes to talking to married women! While single women are absolutely welcome to both the halves, it is us men who are more discriminated against!
Every single married friend of mine has repeatedly bemoaned his/her married state to me! Every single one of them has at sometime or the other has pleaded with me not to get married! Not that I was even considering! You see, this is one instance, where the grass really is greener on my side!
But I do wonder why singles make married people uncomfortable?
Is it because, they are reminded that the control they once had over their lives has gradually slipped away like sand from a fist? Or is it because you obviously are better managed financially, emotionally, than most of your married friends? Or is it because you have more time to read, go out with friends, single married or otherwise, watch movies whenever you want to, go out on trips, basically live life on your terms?
Or maybe it is because you can talk to any woman without the fear of you wife throwing a majestic tantrum! Oh Come on! Every single married guy has this listed as his biggest bête noir! Unless of course, he is the regular philandering kinds, then he would know how to juggle his twin lives! And thankfully I don’t have any of those as my friends! Not that I’m judging, of course, but I really don’t have those kind of friends.
I recently met up with two of my closest friends in school. We met up in Jaipur and had a grand time sitting on top of Nahargarh Fort overlooking the entire Jaipur city looking like a bejeweled carpet at your feet, drinking up and catching up on the last 20 odd years! Funny how suddenly meeting up with people from your past really charges you up and puts things in a sharper perspective! Especially if they are very close friends with whom you had lost touch. While the catching up was great, every third line often did revert to the usual question! Fortunately, since they are good friends, the issue was quickly put to rest, unlike my relatives – with whom it seems to pop up in every conversation!!
I have now almost given up hope of ever being “respectable”. I am beyond getting redeemed in the eyes of a married person. I am after all better than that! There is bound to be some hard feelings! Maybe some jealousy too! But my relatives and my married friends take heart! At every stage of my life henceforth, you shall be in my prayers! I shall not treat you to the same standards of pettiness as have been meted out to me, but to a far higher standard of awareness and happiness and being that I have been fortunate enough to witness as a single person!
i guess we're living in a society that is in a transition phase...what we are witnessing is the focus on individuality in a society that has till now been all about families and family pressures. This holds true not only for marriage but any aspect of life that one might want to ponder on.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I disagree to...not always a married one is more heard to or has more say in family matters.One thing for sure, marriage doesnt bring in wisdom,age does and guess we as a society realises that.Have been single for long and happily so,yes few hardships, but guess have started loving them.
ReplyDeleteI would second your opinion. i do agree with you people do tend to look at you with raised eyebrows when after a certain age you are single.couple of months back i spoke to my childhood friend who was getting married and he was the last one to get married in my group back in patna obviously i m not including me to the list. And i asked him why u are getting married? The answer shocked me, he actually complained of being left alone in parties and gathering. since all our friends used to come with there wife which made him very uncomfortable and insecure with the entire idea of being single and he was actually very happy that he was getting married and he need not to go to parties all alone.i just asked myself that even this can be a reason enough to get married.i always though get married because they want to spend and share their life with someone special. But....... i am sure there can be more strange reasons to get married, this just being one of them.
ReplyDeleteHey dear Nephew! I finally got around to writing something in response to this - or should I say 'retaliated to this'... check it out on my blog at http://womaninterrupted-merablog.blogspot.com/.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am warning you, Aunts really aren't gentlemen... :D
Deboo, Kya Hai Tera Gham Batta? WHats Your problem? :) Why did you stir hornets nest? Why Why Why? Kyon Apni Tanhai mein Ham Sab ke upar pot shots le kar hamko Uksata Hai? We poor Animal Husbandary as such walk on a tight rope without you free birds challenging and then....
ReplyDeleteActually I wonder if all this big thing could be because....? Could it be? Could Suchi's sms prediction be coming true and this is the lul before the storm (in the tea cup). Whatever else, the bongs sure know how to write and rub it in, both ways. And yes, for a single innocent sounding Man You sure notice a lot around you! We will be careful